This week I couldn’t help but laugh as I clicked on a link that indicated 52% Americans approve of God’s job performance while 9% disapprove.  Now the link was on cnn.com’s belief blog and it referenced a poll done by Public Policy Polling, a political polling firm based here in NC.  Beyond the general job performance question, respondents were asked to evaluate God on the issues as well.[i] Turns out that 71% of folks think God’s done a spot-on job with the creation of the universe.  But support is a bit more middle-of-the-road as far as God’s handling of the animal kingdom and natural disasters. Perhaps it seems a bit heretical to examine God’s job performance—but to me it points to a much larger issue.  At the core of the question and the responses is the age old question of where God is in all of this mess of life that we call living.

When I was a teenager I spent many hours in emotional turmoil over the existence of this God who seemed so very absent from the world—not my middle-class, white privileged world but the world of hungry babies, or the world of kids orphaned by HIV, or the world of children massacred in places like Columbine, Virginia Tech, Norway.  Where is God?  I would find myself asking, and weeping, and asking.  Blogger and pastor Rebbeca Tucker recounts her own life and the history of the world…and proclaims at every event she hears the words “I am.”  “The holocaust happened; “I am.” My cousin was murdered; “I am.” My family fell apart; “I am.” 911; “I am.” Darfur; “I am.” AIDS pandemic; “I am.” The death of child, a father, a firefighter: I am.”  She explains that “in the face of every evil, the voice booms; “I exist.” Yet she wants to destroy the voice, not caring if it is God; because what “I AM” feels like—is absent, authoritative, unapologetic, and untrustable.  At some point she asks what if I have not heard the voice right? What if I have not listened well because of so much background noise? What if the voice does not say, “I exist,” “I am,” but rather “I AM WITH.” What would it mean for us?

In today’s Scripture from the gospel of Matthew we are presented with a story about Jesus who feeds a crowd of 5,000 people—and such a story seems, well, rather untrustable in the face of the countless numbers of people who go to bed hungry in our very own city.  It seems particularly untrustable when we interpret the story to mean that “I AM” can do anything that we may need at any particular time.  Despite the common claim that Jesus feeds the crowd of 5,000, this Scripture doesn’t detail Jesus multiplying the bread or giving it to them.  When the disciples tell Jesus to send the crowds away, that they can go to the village to buy food for themselves—Jesus says: no need, you feed them.  With only 2 fish and five loaves of bread—the disciples say that there can’t possibly be enough.  The only thing that Jesus does though is break the bread and bless it and give it to the disciples, who in turn give it to the crowd.  Nowhere does it say Jesus multiplied the bread—the story simply proclaims that everyone was fed and that there was even some left over—more then they started with, in fact.  When we understand God solely as “I AM” it makes sense to assume that Jesus must have done that but when we hear “I AM WITH” we understand God as a partner on the journey, a steadfast and true companion, a co-participant in the feeding of the 5,000.  Here are the disciples convinced they couldn’t possibly feed this crowd—and WITH Jesus—they feed them all and then some.

This distinction may seem inconsequential since God can be both.  “I AM” does not exclude WITH and I AM WITH clearly includes both…. but so much of our living suggests the distinction matters intensely.  I can’t help but think “I AM” leaves open ended the very purpose of our existence while “I AM WITH” suggests the purpose is clear. In a world where God’s most important role is “I AM” it is easy to become obsessed with doctrine and dogma since we are constantly in a struggle to be enough for “I AM”—enough that “I AM” might want to be with us. And this intense concern with “I AM” leads to a culture of people intent on becoming more and more.  In this country, we are inundated with choices and decisions about having more and being more.  We want bigger homes, fancier toys, better paying jobs in an effort to prove a more worthy existence.  But it seems to me the biblical text is quite clear that it is not God’s existence that is God’s defining purpose—and neither is it ours.

We originally hear God proclaim “I am Who I am” in the book of Exodus. [ii] There God tells Moses to tell the Israelites it is “I AM who” has sent Moses to be with them.  The biblical record beyond Exodus suggests that “I AM” continues to send prophets to be with the Israelites. In today’s Hebrew Scripture text, we hear the final chapter in the section of Isaiah believed to written by Second Isaiah, one of those prophets, writing in the time of Babylonian exile in the 6^th century.  The thematic focus of Second Isaiah is both exile and a new exodus that marks the return of the Israelites from Bablyon to Jerusalem.  In that text we hear the indictment: “Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy?”  And today it is read because centuries later God’s people continue the same path—spending money on that which cannot fulfill us and laboring for that which does not satisfy?  More, more, more—is what drives too much of our culture’s living and leaves a nation willing to take from those who have the very least so that those who already have plenty can have more, leaves a nation willing to spend outrageous amounts on security at the expenses of the people it is hoping to secure. The God “I AM” leaves open the doors to this living—but the God “I AM WITH” proclaims and demands so much more.

The nature of our God who self-names “I AM” may leave us convinced that because “God IS” we are unable to seek answers to questions or question at all—that we must assume God’s hand was at play and that God will unfold the plan. Such a theology has elements of assurance, while at the same time demanding very little of us.  Such a theology allows us to a large extent to relinquish responsibility—while at the same time we are able to assume God’s good pleasure with us—for in many ways the blessings in this place, in this country far outweigh our burdens.  This week I was appalled to hear that the median wealth of white U.S. households in 2009 was over $100,000 compared with about $6K for Hispanics and for blacks.[iii] It is a staggering gap that erases any idea of equality in our country.  This week faith leaders were arrested for protesting the planned budget that will further entrench these appalling disparaties.[iv] Such disparities may seem acceptable to “I AM” though I doubt it, but “I AM WITH” certainly demands more from us.

As a pastor and chaplain, I am blessed to witness life’s celebrations but I also witness the hearts deepest sorrows, the violence in the world done in service to Jesus, and the injustice of our ways. In the face of the despair and pain, I can proclaim the good news of the gospel because of “I AM WITH” not just “I Am.”

I can’t help but notice when God declared “I AM” wrapped into that was the very relational element of naming oneself.  While, it may not seem like a theological statement, we wear nametags because our names our important to being in relationship to one another.  In God’s self-naming God does more than proclaim existence, God proclaims a desire to be in relationship with us all. And when relationship becomes the focus of our existence and our work as disciples, I am convinced we are living into the intention and hopes of our God.

You see I constantly encounter folks who believe that “I AM” cares most about us becoming holy enough to be in relationship with God, so much so that we are willing to sacrifice relationship with each other.  Last night I was talking to Amanda as she recounted the painful presence of some of Jesus’ disciples at Bele Chere and how she awaited the welcome respite of our community, a community that hopes to model Jesus’ radical love.  It reminded me of a conversation I had with a woman last week who suggested to me that just as much as fundamentalists dedicated their faith to the law too much, progressive Christians seem to overemphasize grace and love.  I couldn’t even wrap my heart around such a statement as I thought at what point is there ever too much love and grace?   She suggested that you don’t have to forgo the holy by overreaching God’s love and grace, which was fascinating to me because the holiest moments I’ve ever known were marked by God’s love and grace.  It leaves me thinking is it possible that we misread God’s word when we are so driven by rules and regulations that we forgo relationships that are at the heart of the one whom we worship and give our lives to?  Has God been misheard when someone slaughters a gathering of young adults to proselytize fear of another faith?   Has the Still Speaking voice of God been drowned out when we propose policies that will further entrench the last and the least? A small portion of our nation and our world and even some of those who proclaim the centrality of Christ in their lives would have you believe that we are called to serve God merely because “I AM” and they would have you believe that in service to “I AM” we will be able to get closer to God.   But that is not the promise of the gospel…the entire protestant Reformation is bound to the idea that there is nothing we do that brings us closer to God.  And that nothing we have, we earned.  In Christ, God comes to us.  That is the literal meaning of Emmanuel—God with Us and it is why as a person who hopes to walk humbly in the ways of Christ I am convinced that “I AM WITH” seems to capture God’s most extraordinary promise to us.

The text found in Isaiah proclaims “Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. ³Incline your ear, and come to me; listen, so that you may live.” God wants for us life and living, God wants for us what is good and right!  And God promises to be with us through it all.  Isaiah continues, “¹²For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Those are the marks of our creator.  Joy, peace, singing and dancing—and they are found in relationship with one another and our creator.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there until they have watered the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, ¹¹so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”  From the time of Second Isaiah to the time of Jesus of Nazareth, we so failed to accomplish God’s realm that God comes to us in Jesus of Nazareth—a man whose ministry is marked by love, grace and mercy—those are the very elements of relationship that God offers.  And from the time of Jesus of Nazareth we continue to fail to receive God’s offering to us.  An offering so extraordinary that the only response to it is to offer it to others—this is the true and simple message of the gospel—no matter how hungry, no matter how much we thirst, no matter how much brokenness there is—God is WITH us and in that offering there is enough.  Twelve baskets left over, in fact.

As we come to the end of a blazing hot weekend where our city streets are lined with people beset with indulgence, overtired from days in the sun, and stuffed full of food and drink, it is good to remember that Bele Chere comes from a Scottish dialect that means “beautiful living.”  And while some of Asheville’s locals and visitors descend into less then beautiful living at Bele Chere, the idea behind is to be “full” of life.  From street performers, to painters and potters and craftsmiths—funnel cakes and turkey legs and local ice cream and Indian food.  The Wilcox family has experienced much of what Bele Chere has to offer this weekend and we have enjoyed it… but it feels right this morning to be in this place, in this community to receive God’s offering to us—“I AM” that is what God proclaims at the beginning of our biblical canon and then over generations and in the gift of Jesus Christ, God demonstrates “I AM WITH.”  I am with you in the birth of a child.  I am with you when your heart is breaking.  I am with you when the fear rises up within you.  I am with you when you make a bad decision.  I am with you when you feel like you can’t make it one more day.  I am with you when you graduate and celebrate.  I am with you in the deepest recesses of grief.  I am with you in a crowd of 5,000.  I am with you when it is only you.

In our heartbreak, in our despair, in our hope—God is WITH US. In our hunger, God proclaims: “You who have no money come and eat!  Come buy wine and milk without money and without price.”  The very “isnesss” of God is about being in relationship with us and God wants us to be in relationship with one another.  On one hand it costs very little—You have no money come and eat!  On the other hand, it will actually cost us our whole lives—as we dedicate our living to the love and grace and mercy made known to us in Jesus Christ.  When we lose sight of our neighbor, our enemy, the poor, the lost and the least we descend into a place where we spend our money for that which is not bread, and labor for that which does not satisfy.  But with Jesus as our companion, we become the hands and the heart of Jesus, and we both feed a world in need and in turn we are fed. It is because of “I AM WITH” and in service to “I AM WITH” that we live as disciples of the living Christ.  May it be so!

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